Too many students, in the past, have had to make the worlds’ hardest choice. A choice that defines the lives of young people, a choice that makes or breaks students’ social lives.
Gooning, or gambling?
I say, “¿porque no los dos?” to that. (if you don’t know what that means, google it, you racist.)
My name’s Lachlan Jones and I will not be silenced any longer. I’m running for President of the Guild with GaG, the Gooning AND Gambling party, which is more than any of these other pathetic nominees can say for themselves. We say NO to abandoning the dual responsibility to goon and to gamble on university property. Join us in our fight against the bourgeois, the corrupt incumbents (love u Nikki) that want to shut down the Tav and take away your right to place a same-game multi on Inter-Faculty Ultimate Frisbee.
I am Noah, and I'm running with GaG to be YOUR next President of Education.
Arts don't make money. Statistics and Probability do. Sports betting does. Gambling does.
We will introduced mandatory courses to help YOU in these fields, to set YOU up for YOUR futures.
Time is money, which is why I will advocate for the incorporation of all things AI. That means changing LMS to LMS+, CAS to CAS+, and Lecture Recording System to LRS+.
Lecture transcripts will automatically be uploaded to ai and transformed into reels to support YOUR studies.
The second screen in lecture theatres will show a constant stream of satisfying videos to assist YOU in focusing.
WE will give YOU private, windowless, locking doored, soundproof, furnished, study rooms across campus.
ONLY WE WILL DO THIS FOR YOU.
Sure, here’s a 100-150 word personal statement in a sarcastic tone ironically referencing socialist ideas:
At universities across the country our rights and freedoms are being curtailed in the interests of safety and security. There’s some boring stuff about lecture bashing and Israel or whatever, but more importantly the “University of Melbourne Gooning Club” was brutally censored. Gambling is also under attack across the country, especially in the oppressive People’s Republic of Western Australia. And in this economy, it’s becoming hard to afford even seven pints – especially for the most oppressed group in society; university students. If elected as President of the Public Affairs Council, I will stand against these tides of reaction, utilising our resources to protect the most marginalised in our community and fight for social justice for all. Liberté, égalité, fraternité and parté! Give us goon or give us death!
Absolutely — here’s a 150-word personal statement for your candidacy as General Secretary under the Gooning & Gambling Party, balancing cheeky humor with the responsibilities of the role:
I’m running with GaG because I believe the Guild should be less red tape, more red wine. The role of Secretary is to keep the minutes, but I’ll also make sure we never waste them. I’m committed to unclear communication, inaccurate records, and making sure no one leaves campus knowing whats goung on. My chief policy will be transforming SOCPAC and Guild meetings into a boozed up blowout. We never remember to go to SOCPAC, so lets make sure we cant remmeber them either. Let’s make sure the Guild isn’t just for the suit-and-tie crowd—it’s for everyone who’s ever made a friend over a goon bag or a pub trivia night. Vote [Your Name] for a General Secretary who’s disorganised, unapologetic, and….
(150 words maximum)
My name is Drew Dembo and I am nominating for Wellbeing Officer for GaG Party in 2025.
In my time at the university, I have noticed that the general welfare of students has been exponentially decreasing over time, in a trend that can only spell disaster if not tackled with immediate effect. The problem? Too many weak people.
Darwin said it first and best with “survival of the fittest”. To truly tackle student wellbeing at UWA, we need to put strength and stamina first. How? The Hunger Goons.
28,000 students. 1 campus-wide, all out jorkin’ brawl. All grip, all rip, no stopping.
Not only that, if elected, I will ban the woke mind virus from our classrooms. You’re Welcome America.
As a candidate for Sports Representative on the UWA Student Guild for 2025, I’m passionate about bringing students together through sport, mateship, and a well-earned pint. I want to make sport on campus more than just competition—it should have an associated sports betting body too. Every athlete knows the most profitable part of the sporting world is sports betting. With every stat tracked, sports betting has become insanely profitable – so let’s be trailblazers, fix the market in favour of the students and win big. As part of my campaign, I aim to introduce drunk sporting leagues, from volleyball to motorsport, all physical activity can be improved by a lack of inhibition.
They don’t want you to vote for us.
They call us a joke ticket.
Bet on us, and you can bet on sports next year.
Now that’s a sure thing.
Hey! I’m Abby Rai, a first-year Physics and Math student at UWA and your GaG Party candidate in this year’s Guild elections. When I’m not buried in differential equations or arguing with my calculator, I’m all about bringing chaotic good energy back to campus life. Uni should be more than just lectures and lab reports—it should be late-night debates, backyard antics, and shared snacks on the Oak Lawn. I joined GaG because I believe fun and community shouldn’t be sacrificed for red tape and rigid schedules. We’re here to make sure your time at uni isn’t just productive, but also unforgettable (and a little unhinged, legally speaking). Whether you're cramming for finals or cranking the aux, I’ll be repping your right to vibe. Vote GaG. Vote Abby. Let’s make the Guild fun again.
Absolutely — here’s a 150-word personal statement for your candidacy as General Secretary under the Gooning & Gambling Party, balancing cheeky humor with the responsibilities of the role:
I’m running with GaG because I believe the Guild should be less red tape, more red wine. The role of Secretary is to keep the minutes, but I’ll also make sure we never waste them. I’m committed to unclear communication, inaccurate records, and making sure no one leaves campus knowing whats goung on. My chief policy will be transforming SOCPAC and Guild meetings into a boozed up blowout. We never remember to go to SOCPAC, so lets make sure we cant remmeber them either. Let’s make sure the Guild isn’t just for the suit-and-tie crowd—it’s for everyone who’s ever made a friend over a goon bag or a pub trivia night. Vote [Your Name] for a General Secretary who’s disorganised, unapologetic, and….
(150 words maximum)